I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
