Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
