Ambien. No doubt about it.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
