So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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