im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
