I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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