Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
