Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
