clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
