I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
