he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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