I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
