Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
