i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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