i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
