What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
