he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
