If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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