felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
