please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
