I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
