Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
