I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize