Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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