You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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