she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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