When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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