the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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