Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
