After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
