I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
