You're so nebulous sometimes
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
