the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
