Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
