Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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