Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
