i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
it glows. i had to have it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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