Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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