Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
