No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize