Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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