She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
