My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Someone shattered a urinal.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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