just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
