i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
