So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
