Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
