Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
