i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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