he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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