i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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