my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Blow job season was short but glorious.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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