just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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