Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
