Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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