If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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