i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
