is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
