I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
