Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
