I feel great
I just peed on a car
im six kinds of drunk right now
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
So squirting runs in the family.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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