dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
then he tried to convert me to islam
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Randomize
