mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize