Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
