i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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