The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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