I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
