I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
