rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
she told me i tasted like america
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
