I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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