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Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
