need another drink. this is the easiest way
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
