Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
