those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize