I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
