im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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