dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
