I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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