he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
