We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
