Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
