Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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