i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
