you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
