onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
