If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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