Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize