Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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