Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize