of course. lets lasso hookers.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
