They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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