it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
