Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize