put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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