I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
