He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
