he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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