you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
