you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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