Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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