Yo dont text me then not text me
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you would pick up someone in the library
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
